We have two words for you; Uwe "mother-f'ing" Boll. This week, in what turned out to be one of our longest episodes ever, we took on the infamous disaster that is video game based "House of the Dead". This action horror movie, based on the Sega arcade game of the same name is just a train wreck from start to finish. It features terrible writing and dialogue, emotionless acting, and zombie king that looks more like a Dark Lord of the Sith. We hope you like matrix style slow motion 360 spinning camera shots because this movie has more of those then well... the matrix. And we can't forget the 10 minute long music video action sequence set to garbage rap-rock music.
Ep.217: Blood Harvest (1987)
Time to tip toe through the corpses with this week's episode "Blood Harvest". This forgotten about 80's horror film stars the odd and unique cult performer Tiny Tim and features the world's most lazy sheriff, a whole bushel of rapey-ness, more continuity errors than you can shake a butchered pig at and a set of breasts that should get their own credit in the cast list. However, it hardly as any blood in it at all, no harvesting what so ever and certainly no BLOOD HARVESTING.
Ep.216: Doom Asylum
AhhhHaaaHaaaHaaa! Ep.216 "Doom Asylum" is now up. This listener suggested 80's slasher features super annoying poorly written characters, a crazy blonde punk girl who has serious emotional issues, and a not so dead one liner slinging lawyer turned killer all in an abandoned asylum that some how still has power and cable.
Ep.215: Night of a Thousand Cats
Women, helicopters and more pussy then you can handle! That's really all you need to know about this week's movie "Night of a Thousand Cats". This 70's Mexican giallo movie features a millionaire playboy with a pension for stalking pretty women in his helicopter and hoarding cats, it also has has the world's worst mother and probably the least amount of dialogue we've ever seen. Seriously, I think silent movies had more dialogue than this.
Ep.214: Holla if You Hear Me Kill You
We're continuing Black History Month with another black horror movie this time from writer & directer Mark Harris. This ultra-indie who done it slasher about a group of "mega rich superstar rappers" getting offed in a music studio broke Aaron's spirit and took a piece of his soul. Seriously this one ranks up there with our all time worst movies. Nuff said.
Ep.213: The Horrible Doctor Bones
We're back! And we're kicking off black history month hard with truly horrible Full Moon release "The Horrible Doctor Bones". This urban horror movie mixes sh*tty hip-hop (which is really more like sh*tty R&B) with voodoo, in theory it sounds good but works out as well as Tupac and Conway Twitty duet. Feature terrible music, bad acting, 90's music video special effects, and possibly zombies (the z-word is used but these are not like any other zombie we've ever seen, so who knows).
Ep.212: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation
We're wrapping up the Christmas season and the sh*t year that was 2020 with the sh*t movie that is "Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initation". This movie is just like 2020, a terrible garbage time that doesn't make any sense and has absolutely nothing to do with its predecessors. At least 2020 didn't have giant alien bugs, but hey there's still a few days left.
Ep.211: Secret Santa
Merry Christmas you filthy Moongoons and as an early X-mas present we're giving you a second new episode this week as we unwrapped "Secret Santa". This surprisingly fun indie holiday slasher features all the "C" words you need; coffee, caffeine Pills, carolers, cocaine (maybe), cheaters, cam girls, a cock, cleavers, chainsaws & Christmas.
Ep.210: Ugly Sweater Party (watch-a-long)
An ugly Christmas sweater possessed by the spirit of a Satan worshipping serial killer, bible camp, dicks, and laser cannons what more could you want in a Christmas movie? This week Marshall watches the insanely crazy and over the top 2018 indie Christmas movie "Ugly Sweater Party", but he's not doing it along, he's joined by "Ugly Sweater Party" actor Kevin Caliber and the movies writer/director Aaron Mento. So donned your ugly sweater grab some spiked egg nog and join us on one wild Christmas sleigh ride.
Ep.209: Anna & the Apocalypse
We're stabbing, slashing and SINGING our way into the Christmas season by taking on the zombie Christmas musical "Anna & the Apocalypse". I really don't have anything witty or bad to say here, it’s just a surprisingly God damn good movie. The writing, the acting, the lighting, the cinematography, and the music, its all just f*cking good. Enjoy.
Ep.208: Hellitosis: The Legend of Stank Mouth
What can I say except that this week's episode is a real stinker. We watched "Hellitosis: The Legend of Stank Mouth", this literal sh*t show of a movie is about mother's unconditional love for her son and well sh*t. Get the wet wipes out, you're going to need them.
Ep.207:Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet
If you like naked ghosts, bloody tampons, and meaningless one dimensional characters then we found the movie for you. This week we watched "Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet", an indie slasher that stars two horror icons, features some great kills, really solid practical gore effects, and lots of nudity. However it also has plot holes, a surprise twist that really isn't a surprise to anyone, and a killer that just isn't remotely intimidating.
Ep.206: Jack-O
This week we carve up the 1995 "Jack-O" aka "Jack-O-Lantern". A movie that features a witch that isn't really a witch, a pumpkin headed demon that looks like a walking bobblehead, and the most emotionless, souls husk of a kid that we've ever seen. It's not all bad though, it does have one of the most over the top electrocution deaths we've ever seen and a gratuitous naked Linnea Quigley shower scene.
Ep.205: Don't Look in the Cellar
Old places and familiar faces return as we take on the ultra indie "Don't Look in the Cellar". Written, directed, and produced by Dennis Devine and David S. Sterling, the Film Legion of Doom team up to bring us a pure abomination of a movie filled with terrible acting, horrendous writing, lame kills, and horrific storytelling. But hey it does have some hot girls in skimpy bikinis.
Ep.204: Varsity Blood
Special guest Kevin Caliber joins us as we tackle the 2014 "Varsity Blood". This indie slasher is like the bad offspring of a drunken "Friday the 13" and "Varsity Blues" fuck fest. Poor writing, terrible lighting, along with mostly unlikeable characters and some horrible acting performances doom this film despite it featuring Horrible Hall Hall of Famer Debbie Rochon and some decent kills. But ultimately this movie gets stopped at the goal line on 4th and 1.
Bonus: Horror Spoof Movies
In this bonus episode we sit down and talk about the horror spoof movie genre. We cover three movies from three different decades: "Repossessed", "Student Bodies", and "Scary Movie" along with a few others and the genre as a whole, along with the roll comedy and humor plays in horror movies.
Bonus: Castlevania
In this bonus episode we turn back the way way back machine and talk about one of our favorite video game series from our childhood, Castlevania. We share our memories of the games, our experiences with and thoughts about the franchise and just take a trip back to nostalgia land.
Ep.203: Pickaxe
Alright Moongoons, I got nothing sassy or witty to say right now. This week's listeners suggested movie "Pickaxe", is just another crappy run of the mill indie slasher. It has all of the usual suspects terrible acting, horrible writing, lack of explanation on what's going on, and unimaginative kills. But it does have a plethora of cubby to mediocre looking naked chicks and stars Tiffany Shepis, who we swear is just drunk the whole time phoning it in.
Ep.202: Blood Gnome
Get your safe words ready Moongoons because this week we're diving into the world of whips, chains, black vinyl body suits and BDSM. We watched the BDSM fetish horror movie "Blood Gnome", a straight to video micro budget film that features bondage, whips, a dominatrix drug lord, a crime scene photographer who may or not be a serial killer, and invisible blood thirty internet savvy monsters. Will "Blood Gnome" whip us into submission, or will we dominate it and make it lick our high heeled boots?
Ep.201: How to Make a Monster
This week we're strapping on our Power Gloves, grabbing our light guns and taking on the video game based sci-fi horror movie "How to Make a Monster". This made for TV movie stars Clea DuVall, Stephen Culp, and Tyler Mane as video game developers who have to fight for their lives as their super advanced video game monster comes to life and goes on a murder rampage. Filled with out crappy and out dated CGI and terrible sword fighting this movie posses the question; just because they could make this movie, should they? But, hey it's got Julie Strains's big bouncing tits.